Parenthood. You can prepare all your life for it. You can read every book by every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and their wives Thomasina, Roberta, and Harriet. You can babysit every child on the block and in your church and run a classroom all by yourself. By time you have kids of your own, you're an old pro, so of course it's a cinch!
Yeah. Right. In the delusions of your mind, you can think that all you want. Go ahead. Live in the fantasy land where your every perfect little dream goes just the way you anticipated and your children respond in the ever so perfect manner that makes you puff up like a peacock every time you go somewhere, and especially in the comfort of your own home.
You are a part of the human race, so of course your children are going to be imperfect. So are you. You're a parent living on this broken world just doing your best to train up your child in the way he should go so that when he gets older, he will have all the tools he needs to be a grown man with integrity and a kind heart. It's okay. It's life. Just remember to roll with the punches while he's learning from you. It's not always easy, but it is the great adventure!
This afternoon I took the kids to Wal-Mart to pick up some water conditioner for our fish tank, as well as a few other items. The trip definitely qualified as an adventure I won't soon forget, but at least it did have a good ending. Gabriela rode in the seat of the cart and Nathaniel rode on the end. Nyssa and Benjamin held onto the sides as they walked along with me. Everyone stayed pretty close to me for the most part and I was so very proud of how they composed themselves. We walked through the store, gathered our items, and headed for the front to the check out lines. Then it happened.
Benjamin had worked his way around the cart to the end next to Nathaniel but was staying close. I repeat myself here because he has been known to dart off on occasion. But he had been very obedient the whole time. We stopped in the front aisle to look at clearance items when I put an item in the cart and looked up. He was gone.
I looked left. I looked right. I looked in front and behind me. Benjamin was nowhere in sight. I called out to him with no response whatsoever. He usually at least slows down to look at me, giggle, and take off again, but this time he must have been wearing his invisibility cloak, for I saw nary a sign of my 4 year old. I was fit to be tied, but with the older two offering to go look for him, I did my best to remain calm. Nyssa suggested we split up to look for him, an idea I would have gleefully accepted had she been closer to thirteen rather than 6. Nathaniel even offered to take off after him. No, we were going to stay together while searching for the little rugrat.
I got hold of a worker there who took a description and then called in a "Code Adam" over the loudspeaker. For those who don't live here, that is the call they give for a missing child to enlist all available personnel to search for them. I believe it's named after Adam Walsh, deceased son of the now famous John Walsh who hosts America's Most Wanted.
I was torn between running around as fast as I could pushing that cart with the children and staying where I was in case Benjamin decided to come look for me where he last saw me. I stayed near the front, looking in those aisles so I could have a clear sight line while the employees searched further in the middle and towards the back. This was a superstore, so he could have gone anywhere. I walked past the clothes and looked high and low and back toward the register lines, but I could neither see nor hear my son. The other children, Gabriela included, called for him along with me as I worked to keep from running over them with the shopping cart.
Ten minutes later, what seemed like an eternity, an employee told me someone thought they found him and were taking him to customer service. I high tailed it past the registers and saw him, hand in hand with one of the workers, a solemn scowl on his face. The man saw me, looked at him and said, "Is this your mama, boy?" Benjamin's response was to give that heart tugging grin and run toward me. Filled with relief, I reunited with my husband's little clone and gave him a big hug. I thanked the gentleman and proceeded to discuss the matter with my prodigal-come-home. Needless to say, he did not get the surprise the others received for being well behaved in the store. But he was safely back with me.
When we got home, I dug out the kiddie harness again. It looks like a stuffed dog with straps and a buckle that is worn as a backpack. The tail is my end of the leash. Benjamin is wearing it the next few times we run errands.
You can be as well learned as possible to help you find your way as a parent, but you can't always be prepared for every little thing that may happen. But you can learn from circumstances and be better prepared for the next possible time. You can't expect to be perfect, nor expect them to be perfect. But you can strive to be the best example possible so they will learn by observation.
No, you can never be fully prepared for parenthood. You can never be prepared for how much you are going to love your children. You can never be prepared for the thud when your heart hits the pit of your stomach because they could be endangered. You can never be prepared for the way your heart melts at their smile, at their tenderness. But that's the amazing part! You're on this big roller coaster ride of life and you have the chance to see it again, afresh, through their eyes of wonderment. And when they do wander off on their own, you can be there when they return home, the security they didn't realized they would miss until it was gone.
Heaven help me when my children are teenagers! It's not what I expected, though I don't think anyone really knows what they are expecting. But I love being their mother. They are mine, and nothing will ever change that. One day they will fly away, just like Benjamin did earlier today. But when they do fly away from this home, I want to make sure I have done everything I can to prepare them for soaring high and safely building their own nest.
